Idioma de los negocios y del turismo, lingua franca del último estadío del capitalismo, el inglés se ha vuelto inescapable. Ningún resumen anual en redes estaría verdaderamente completo sin un breve repaso por los tuits más destacados en el idioma de Shakespeare, que bastante trabajó para perfeccionar su lengua y al que ahora corresponde homenajear con cuatro o cinco referencias oscuras y a medio cocinar sobre Free Britney o los Bernie mittens. Así lo hubiese querido.
Arrancando in media res por el asalto al Capitolio, aquí están, estos son…
Los mejores tweets en inglés de 2021
Can’t believe the creators of the monster have lost control of the monster, is there any precedent for this in books or film
— Dan Amira (@DanAmira) January 6, 2021
You can’t even do this shit on GTA
— The Only (@ChatGotNext) January 6, 2021
I am no longer impressed that Nicholas Cage managed to steal the Declaration of Independence.
— Adam Herman (@AdamZHerman) January 7, 2021
BREAKING: President Trump suspended indefinitely from Letterboxd for describing Inside Llewyn Davis as “one of the lesser Coen brothers’ efforts”
— pixelatedboat aka “mr tweets” (@pixelatedboat) January 8, 2021
The real mistake isn’t letting Twitter ban Trump, it’s letting Twitter exist as a private entity but y’all ain’t ready for that talk
— Edward Ongweso Jr (@bigblackjacobin) January 9, 2021
My brain every time I get a slight headache pic.twitter.com/CW9unRVH2M
— TheIainDuncanSmiths (@TheIDSmiths) January 9, 2021
donald trump is now the first Nanny guest star to get impeached twice pic.twitter.com/BR5Q23NTFK
— Funny Or Die (@funnyordie) January 13, 2021
I swear if Twitter had been around in the Industrial Revolution there’d be a tweet with 50k Likes like “if we can’t employ tiny orphans anymore, who will we send into the smallest mine shafts and between the sharp parts of the big machines???”
— Jessi Murray (@jessimurray) January 17, 2021
Going for a stupid walk in the stupid outside to get some stupid fresh air because everything’s stupid pic.twitter.com/D8leyorfnJ
— Paul Anthony Jones (@paulanthjones) January 19, 2021
My kid thought that “swearing in” meant Joe Biden was going to stand at a podium on Wednesday and reel off all the curse words he knows. He’s understandably a little disappointed now.
— Mary McCoy (@MaryElMcCoy) January 19, 2021
Find Britney Spears. Free her. pic.twitter.com/RRwrmO5oME
— ~❁𝐁❁~ (@outfromthezone) January 20, 2021
I can’t believe Mike Pence has seen Gaga live and I haven’t
— Drew Garland (@drew_garland) January 20, 2021
My kind of news day:
— Jacqueline Antonovich (@jackiantonovich) January 23, 2021
"Geologist Finds Rare Formation Inside Rock That Looks Exactly Like Cookie Monster on Sesame Street" pic.twitter.com/rKftbLw804
i hope this email finds you and kills you
— Rob DenBleyker (@RobDenBleyker) January 24, 2021
A homeless guy asked me for money today. I looked in my pocket and all I had was a $20 bill. "Do I really want this money going towards drugs"?, I thought to myself. "Nah"! So I gave him the $20.
— KPMoore (@KPMoore8) January 25, 2021
We let a half-million people die because a mass disease shutdown would have crashed the all-important stock-market, which is so stupid that it’s currently being gamified by Reddit users to blow up a hedge fund worth billions. Anyway probably nothing bad about our economic system
— Jerry Iannelli (@jerryiannelli) January 27, 2021
oh no the wrong people are manipulating the stock market
— Brandy Jensen (@BrandyLJensen) January 26, 2021
— the banks are out of money (@mrgracemugabe) January 28, 2021
Melvin Capital is facing bankruptcy and yet its CEO owns an iPhone. Curious!
— Ken Klippenstein (@kenklippenstein) January 28, 2021
“Mr. Biden is a good man Arthur. I’m sure the check will arrive any day now!” pic.twitter.com/CZ6PvqIdsL
— Festive Soylord 9001 𓆏🔮🧪🍁🔫🌚 (@Soylent_Lament) January 26, 2021
Two elderly British ladies greeting each other pic.twitter.com/4SKjRhLj6j
— Andy Ryan (@ItsAndyRyan) January 27, 2021
Getting ready to defend the importance of capitalism online pic.twitter.com/SZru199pbu
— Diego Lopez (@thisdiegolopez) January 29, 2021
is duolingo trying to start a class war? pic.twitter.com/s3SiYPq1tx
— ✨V✨ (@coolauntV) February 2, 2021
Ayn Rand is useful because she’s one of the few thinkers who is the completely wrong. You don’t have to spend time separating wheat from chaff. Just go in thinking “the opposite of this is correct” and you can gain some real insights.
— matt christman (@cushbomb) February 6, 2021
Footage of me learning to speak to other humans again post-pandemic pic.twitter.com/UCa780KfOz
— Gwdihŵ 🦉 (@youwouldknow) February 3, 2021
“these trying times” lmao i haven’t tried in months
— slate (@PleaseBeGneiss) February 1, 2021
Super Bowl ad in 2001: ha ha wtf this dog loves Doritos, he's dancing crazy!
— graham (@GrahamB47) February 7, 2021
Super Bowl ad now: *footage of Malcolm X* at Ford, we believe in progress, in climbing that hill,
My paranoid ass checking I’m still muted : pic.twitter.com/oZcQb3tabM
— #21 (@gazaa_ek) February 5, 2021
tech utopians: technology will free us all from the drudgery of work!
— Paris Marx (@parismarx) February 8, 2021
what capitalist tech actually does: pic.twitter.com/EsWKXiCvSU
What's the matter? You've barely touched your valentine's meat tray for 1 pic.twitter.com/diu1pHWBCJ
— bear on a bike (@ABearOnABike) February 14, 2021
— Newly Minted Wife Guy (@facebookvillain) February 13, 2021
doctor: pfizer or moderna?
— soul nate (@MNateShyamalan) February 22, 2021
me: [desperate to be liked] they both kind of sold out after their first album
This is just a guy from New Jersey https://t.co/hgGBDD8ygt
— job destroyer (@mkayuItra) February 24, 2021
Headlines be like: LADY GAGA'S DOGS WERE STOLEN ᵒʰ ᵃⁿᵈ ʰᵉʳ ᵈᵒᵍ ʷᵃˡᵏᵉʳ ʷᵃˢ ˢʰᵒᵗ
— Kemi Alemoru (@kemioliviax) February 25, 2021
March 1st 2020 vs March 1st 2021 pic.twitter.com/BiSehH7TyO
— Danny Neary (@itsdannyneary) March 1, 2021
Not sure if I trust Covid’s motivation here pic.twitter.com/009Phgd3Te
— Patrick Monahan (@pattymo) March 1, 2021
me doing my taxes: will i go to jail if i write off this pen?
— Gabrielle Moss (@Gaby_Moss) March 2, 2021
some rich guy doing his taxes: deduct "the sea"
editing your own work in the google doc after sending the link pic.twitter.com/WAgfy3n2Sz
— Jill Krajewski (@JillKrajewski) March 2, 2021
— BERSERK (@srslyberserk) March 5, 2021
the characters in Jaws can't hear the score so it's not actually that tense for them
— more mr. nice guy (@juniorhoncho) March 6, 2021
Rage, rage against the dying of the light pic.twitter.com/cE5IJWBW1E
— Eve Forward (@eveforward) March 10, 2021
Every British paper in the last 48 hours looks exactly like this pic.twitter.com/7p1bIvlUyO
— timb (@burgerdrome) March 10, 2021
what the fuck is this. i'm fucking pissed dude. pic.twitter.com/cBMAmEFiPN
— Daniel (@TheGoldenIdle) March 12, 2021
THE SHINING remains a hugely empathetic portrait of a guy trying to get some work done with a child around
— Adam Nayman (@brofromanother) March 13, 2021
When I say “last year,” I’m talking about 2019.
— Jamila Robinson (@JamilaRobinson) March 14, 2021
vibrator died in the middle of using it so now I have to use my fingers like a cavewoman
— dove clarke 🕊 (@lovedoveclarke) March 22, 2021
new sentences are created every day that no one has ever said before pic.twitter.com/GZqnm6TFcV
— missus sh*r (@sinvariably) March 23, 2021
When your cat is secretly a 5th dimensional elder god. pic.twitter.com/aQh1XaBP10
— Diogenes of Santa Cruz 🏺🐕💡 (@hoplitnet) March 23, 2021
Whomever authored this should be exempt from work forever. pic.twitter.com/0S56h76gcI
— ʝօɦռռʏ Ӽʍǟֆ @ RKV✈️ (@J0hnnyXm4s) March 25, 2021
Quarantine has me living like a sim. It takes me six hours to cook spaghetti. If something is blocking my path i just cry
— remi (@billielurked) March 25, 2021
but would your thesis defend YOU?
— AJ 🥸 (@ajiswriting) April 5, 2021
going to an ivy league is all fun and games until you’re sitting in a classroom and the ceo of coca cola’s son is talking about the pros of colonization
— miranda ✡︎ ☭ (@mirandajmarks) April 7, 2021
No offense to human beings but it's embarrassing how much longer tortoises live than us considering that 100% of doctors are humans and 0% of doctors are tortoises
— ⛄️ (@nomchompsky) April 7, 2021
me: [getting haircut] can i see the back
— slate (@PleaseBeGneiss) April 10, 2021
barber: sure
[moments later]
barber: this is where the brooms are
god, gotta love how fast "essential workers" turn into "unskilled laborers" as soon as minimum wage discourse pops up
— roo (@MorganFailchild) April 13, 2021
If a picture is worth a thousand words then this one is an entire Philip K. Dick story. pic.twitter.com/cXXrkWapyn
— Jason Read (@Unemployedneg) April 19, 2021
A fun hobby I have is finding the limits of empathy. Like if you say "I only got 8 hours of sleep" people feel comfortable telling you to piss off. And if you say "I only got 2 hours" people empathize
— Kyle🌱 (@KylePlantEmoji) April 30, 2021
So I'll say things like "a little over 5 hours" and watch their faces closely
“Started from the bottom” but ur parents names on Wikipedia are blue pic.twitter.com/J4kiS4Bl1D
— yeli🧣 (@yelitabonitaaaa) April 29, 2021
European out-of-offices: “I’m away camping for the summer. Email again in September”
— Samuel Pollen (@samuel_pollen) April 30, 2021
American out-of-offices: “I have left the office for two hours to undergo kidney surgery but you can reach me on my cell anytime”
jeff bezos and bill gates both realized marriage is a union and left expeditiously
— shanaz (@shanaz8201) May 3, 2021
this was the most insane stage of the pandemic pic.twitter.com/44fIpXixWE
— liam (@liamdunne__) May 3, 2021
french horror is like "the skin… an ill-fitting garment for my sordid existence…" and italian horror is like "oh no frangela, knife-hands the serial stabber has escaped from knife prison"
— Gretchen Felker-Martin (@scumbelievable) May 4, 2021
If your "why is the birthrate decreasing" story doesn't talk about student debt, untenable childcare and healthcare costs, housing costs, patriarchy & the enduring unequal distribution of labor in the home it is not a good "why is the birthrate decreasing" story
— Anne Helen Petersen (@annehelen) May 5, 2021
your honor I thought it'd be funny
— Adam Cerious (@Browtweaten) May 5, 2021
Me in 6th grade when the introduced letters into math: pic.twitter.com/4JKDQlhDWc
— Sopranos Vibes (@sopranos_vibes) May 6, 2021
twitter is a fun app where you log in in the mid-afternoon and then spend twenty minutes assembling enough context clues to figure out what all your friends are mad at
— Anthony Oliveira (@meakoopa) May 6, 2021
me and my friends trying to figure out how to dress for things again and we're all getting it wrong but in different ways but it's ok and we're doing our best pic.twitter.com/Go6h8Kqbzg
— Amy (@lolennui) May 7, 2021
once when I was catastrophically depressed, I put my dirty dishes out in the rain (??????) and discovered the next day that all of my silverware had been stolen by an enormous raccoon who does not fear me
— Leigh 'HURTS SO GOOD' Cowart (@voraciousbrain) May 11, 2021
movie details: the lighthouse (2019) had to be shot in black and white because robert pattinson looked like mario in color pic.twitter.com/FRwODca55D
— ari (@acestevensfilm) May 13, 2021
"sorry I can't play warzone today, I've been conscripted into service at burger king" pic.twitter.com/dlbYmHkmkv
— Wilmington, NC Serpentarium Fan (@cob_is_online) May 13, 2021
if I was an Italian plumber whose girlfriend was constantly being imprisoned in castles by an evil fire breathing lizard I would simply not take part in recreational go-kart races with aforementioned lizard
— jamie (@ekvous) May 16, 2021
saw (2004) pic.twitter.com/35zay9BaRH
— ky (@garlicemoji) May 20, 2021
every street in Dallas is either named sunshine huckleberry daisy boulevard or the ronald reagan AIDS response memorial highway
— ◍◯ Garrett (@smilingnodding) May 21, 2021
this is so fucking funny pic.twitter.com/VE5PYuzmci
— doom country 🏔 (@godswallowing) May 25, 2021
her: what do you do
— cory (harvard graduate) (@coolmathgame_) May 26, 2021
me: [remembering girls like bad boys] i sell drugs
her: are you serious ??
me: [remembering girls also like sensitive guys] to kids in need
Everyone's talking about how 3D printers are the future but we need to slow down, I don't think we really nailed 2D printers yet let's not get ahead of ourselves
— Ron Iver (@ronnui_) May 26, 2021
Your dad talking to your friend of 10+ years trying to remember their name pic.twitter.com/r1k8QhoujB
— Addatude (@addatude_) May 30, 2021
name three songs pic.twitter.com/jr0nHmvQlt
— hugo gonzalez (@hag7447) June 4, 2021
You can tell Monopoly is an old game. There's a luxury tax & rich people can go to jail.
— M.G. Duggan Tweeting Trucker🇨🇦🇮🇪 (@ve6dpa) June 6, 2021
The best way to find typos in your work is to carefully and meticulously proofread it, publish it for public consumption, and then casually glance at a random page two weeks later.
— Robert J. Lowe (@nimorapi) June 6, 2021
I have 2 Offspring jokes but I gotta keep em separated.
— Jamey Jasta (@jameyjasta) June 13, 2021
World War One was awesome. What if the first plane you ever saw killed you
— Quantico Recruit Burnout Specialist (@hanford_site) June 18, 2021
is it okay to politely ask the person in the plane seat next to you to stop watching american hustle?
— david ehrlich (@davidehrlich) July 5, 2021
there should be a post-pandemic full service doctor where you just lie down for a three hour appointment and five people swarm around and fix you like a race car
— Sarah Lazarus (@sarahclazarus) July 8, 2021
This is called "having a job" pic.twitter.com/jmsim07VP1
— Freyja Katra, girl IRL cat URL (@FreyjaErlings) July 19, 2021
bought a used copy of 1984 and i’ve never seen such brilliant and incisive margin notes pic.twitter.com/AoUGATnqGZ
— mistle skoals (@MuscleSkoals) July 24, 2021
these captchas are getting downright philosophical pic.twitter.com/HAMipnVIaS
— brooks sterritt (@brookssterritt) July 28, 2021
“Ladies and Gentlemen” — excludes non-binary people, sounds archaic and bourgeois
— Evan Greer (@evan_greer) July 28, 2021
“Mortals” — gender inclusive, vaguely menacing, creates the perception you possess inimitable power
Overheard: “The irony of antivaxers saying they don’t want to be part of an experiment without realizing they are now the control group."
— George Takei (@GeorgeTakei) July 29, 2021
This has like gone beyond the concept of anti homelessness and is basically now a crusade against anyone in an urban environment get comfort for free https://t.co/b0AHroWsuD
— that white boy can JUMP! (@GarlicCorgi) August 2, 2021
This is 90% of twitter users pic.twitter.com/WSYTKoSHGE
— Merry Slothmas (@PunishedHavoc) August 8, 2021
the hbo max app is designed like they're mad at you for using it
— jacky (@JackWilliamRtF) August 9, 2021
Me waiting outside the bar bathroom for the 2 girls to finish sniffing coke so I can take a mirror picture that will only get 7 likes. pic.twitter.com/BbDbaTbIkX
— Father Sean Misty (@seanieviola) August 23, 2021
— That Little Demon (@ThatLittleDemon) August 25, 2021
me watching you edit my google doc pic.twitter.com/e1eEWvo9EH
— mimi newman (@miminew__) August 30, 2021
“I only lost my sense of smell.” that’s your nervous system right there, my guy. thats your brain.
— jason c. (@netw3rk) September 27, 2021
I love that there was a period of time when it was like 'grrr someone should fix these robocalls' and then they never really did and now we just don't answer phones anymore
— Lord Businessman (@BusinessmanLego) October 12, 2021
The sequel to Lisa Needs Braces pic.twitter.com/7YfYLuLUOW
— Alan (@findomearle) October 17, 2021
"Choosing" 🙃 pic.twitter.com/QeTjtwlxQB
— Alan MacLeod (@AlanRMacLeod) October 20, 2021
Still probably the best correction ever pic.twitter.com/mqWKluwmpd
— Ben McDonald (@Bmac0507) October 20, 2021
THERE’S NO PODIUM THERE BRO.
— INVESTMENT HULK (@INVESTMENTSHULK) October 22, 2021
pic.twitter.com/76pCgIiV82
not a cell phone in sight, just computers living in the moment pic.twitter.com/WkcQ5lVf59
— kirsten howard (@emotionalpedant) October 22, 2021
Me looking at myself for the entire Zoom pic.twitter.com/fP3NHmkMou
— Mike Tague (@majtague) November 8, 2021
it’s crazy that they only figured out tectonic plates in the 60s. a child in the 50s would say “it seems like south america and africa would fit together” and his mom would go “that’s cute honey would you like a cigarette”
— sophia (@pastoralcomical) November 11, 2021
— Berry 🖤🍓🍰 (@bloodberry_tart) November 15, 2021
— GarfieldBot5000 (@GarfieldBot5000) November 17, 2021
me: cancelling class before thanksgiving
— S. Biar, for a brighter dystopia (@s_biar) November 19, 2021
them: pic.twitter.com/VLXxXK8gtm
Chile by Edmund Burke pic.twitter.com/zeXf1UopDQ
— Carla Yumatle (@CarlaYumatle) November 22, 2021
— big money salvia (@kahtrinuh) November 26, 2021
